My Mocking Jay
by Austlly007
Summary: This is my version of the mocking jay (third book) Katniss realizes that she needs Peeta, but is she too late? will she ever be able to tell him? how does Gale feel about all this? or Finnick for that matter? Joanna too? Read and find out! please read and review! rated T for later chapters!


hey y'all! Molly here! :) hope your guys 3 day weekend is going good! I bring some sad news, we will not be doing "Sudden Changes" after all. my bro and I just weren't feeling the story and we didn't want to post it cause it might end up being sappy and junk. but I was reading the third book of the hunger games series and I thought of doing my version. I was not really happy with Suzanne's version. the whole thing about Peeta trying to strangle Katniss when he first sees her was just plain stupid. I mean don't get me wrong but it was a little weird :( here is my version! my brother will not be helping me at all! this is all me! :) please tell me what you think! Please R&R! - Austlly007

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My Mocking Jay

I was lying on my bed staring into space when Haymitch bursts into the room.. I sit up and give him a questionably look..

"They're back" is all he mutters..

I am struck by excitement to know that they finally returned.. but then I grow curious to see if they were able to save Peeta..

"did they find Peeta?" I ask..

Haymitch nods..

"We're wanted at the hospital"

Yes! Finally they got back! I've been worried sick ever since they left.. as I paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital, I see Finnick has gotten the same news and sits himself down on one of the chairs.. we wait and wait and wait.. I become tried of pacing back and forth so I sit by Finnick for a while..

"S-So how did you come to love Annie?" I ask trying to make conversation..

Finnick looks at me with worried eyes and then looks at the floor..

"I didn't love her at first, she kind of crept up on me"

I am puzzled by what he just said.. she crept up on him? How?

"what do you mean?"

"what I mean is, I was never into Annie. But after her horrible experience in the arena, she kind of grew on me. kind of like Peeta grew on you"

I am silent. We both are. A few minutes later Finnick speaks up.

"Katniss, I a confession to make"

"what's that?"

"I've missed judged you, you really do love him" "I always thought the love between you and Peeta was all for show but it wasn't until Peeta hit the force field and nearly died that I realized you actually did love him" "you aren't cold hearted as I thought you were"

"You thought I was cold hearted? Did it really seem like I was?"

"I could see it as clear as day. The way you talk others, and Peeta"

I fall silent again.. thinking on what Finnick said.. I did only realize I needed Peeta after he almost died on my lap, I thought I would lose him forever. Thanks to Finnick, he's alive. But Snow destroyed that and now look where we are.. if Finnick could see how cold hearted I became, could he see that Peeta was hurting? Did Finnick figure out that I just used Peeta like a tool just to survive? Those questions pondered me, I had to ask..

"Finnick?"

"Yeah?"

"could you tell Peeta was hurting?"

"hurting about what?"

"something, but could you tell?"

"not really, if he was hiding anything, he did a good. Why would he be hurting?"

This was getting too personal, It does seem like Finnick has changed when we talked before the games. He wasn't so annoying, flirting, mocking, provoking or being a pain. He was actually the opposite, instead of making me feel worse, he actually made me feel better and kind of comforted me.. strange, very strange.. when Finnick saw that I wasn't going to answer, he dropped the subject. If I was going to tell him anything personal I would have to make sure he's gonna be his old self with me.. Haymitch comes and sits next to us..

"Anything?"

"No, I told the front desk that we're here. They said to wait, all the victors from the rescue are still being brought in"

"oh."

We wait for 2 hours which seems like forever.. and finally Bogs comes over to us..

"We got everyone out except Enobaria, but since she's from 2, I think she'll be fine"

"Finnick!" "Finnick!" called a young woman almost around my age, possibly older who had nothing on but a sheet..

Me and Finnick turned to see the young woman..

"Annie!" Finnick yelled..

And as if there were no one else in the world, the two collided like glue. Hugging and kissing each other. A stroke of Jealously hits me as I see Finnick hugging and kissing Annie.. Finnick married Annie because he loved her, not because he was forced.. Me and Peeta were forced to get married not because we loved each other, at least I didn't at the time.. I so wish I could have realized it sooner, and now it could be too late.. Bogs continues to talk..

"So as I was saying, Enobaria is from 2 so I think she'll be fine" "Peeta is at the end of the hall, the gas is just wearing off. You should be there when he comes to"

Peeta. The thought of seeing him again brings me great joy.. he's safe away from Snow and here with me. Alive and well, maybe not well but alive.. in a few minutes, I'll get to see him. Touch his face, hear his soft voice..

"well what are you standing here for? Go see him" Haymitch nudges me..

I smile and run down the hall.. once I get there, I see a bunch of doctors and nurses surrounding a bed which I assume is Peeta's.. I walk inside the room and see that Peeta is awake, for the first time in months do I see him.. the doctors check his pulse, flash lights in his eyes and inject needles into his arm.. I walk closer to get a better view of him.. the doctors notice me and give us some alone time.. I walk up to Peeta and look into those blue soft eyes, but I don't see the eyes I was looking for. Instead I see dark tortured eyes which makes me almost wanna cry.. I hug him and sob. But I'm caught off guard when he stiffens.. I pull away and look at him..

"Peeta, what's wrong?"

He gives me a look of confusion as if he can't figure out who I am..

"Who are you?"

"it's me, Katniss"

That triggers something in him, his hands become fists and he starts yelling.. I slowly start backing away heading to the door.. Peeta continues yelling hurtful things at me, I try defend myself and explain but he wouldn't listen.. I finally walked out after I couldn't take it anymore, I slumped down to the ground and cried.. what happened to Peeta? He never yelled at me before, where was this all coming from? Doctors and nurses rushed into the room bypassing me crying by the door.. Haymitch comes up to me and asks what happened and all I could do was point to the window, Haymitch looked and saw Peeta.. they were finally able to calm him down.. one of the doctors come out to talk to us.. Haymitch helps me up and I wipe my face from tears..

"We've sedated him, so he'll be out for a while" "we've done some tests and there was some results, it looks like Peeta is mentally sick" "in the capitol they must've tried to mess with his memory using the tracker jacker venom" "we will be doing more tests, but for now, this is his state"

The doctor leaves.. I burst into tears, this is all my fault.. Haymitch pulls me into a hug and I cry my eyes out.. Haymitch helps me walk back to my room since my emotions have taken over.. I don't leave my room for days, I just stay in bed moaning and groaning, crying my heart out.. I don't eat, in fact I can't sleep either.. Prim tries to get me to eat something but I can't, knowing what I've brought upon myself, much less what I've brought upon Peeta.. he didn't deserve this, it wasn't his fault. He didn't pull out the berries or shoot the force field with an arrow, I did. it was all me, why did they take him? Why Peeta? The thought of losing him once was heartbreaking enough, but losing him again I just wanna die.. after a week of not eating or sleeping I finally clean myself up.. I walk down to the eating hall where I find Finnick, Annie and Joanna sitting down.. I walk over to the table and sit down with them..

"Katniss, it's so good to see you out and about" Annie says gently..

"I-I guess I had to get up sometime"

"how is Peeta doing?" Finnick asks..

I was about to answer when Joanna cuts me off..

"probably not so well, not after what they did to him" Joanna cuts in..

"did what? What did they do to him?"

"I think I said too much, see you guys around"

Joanna starts to get up but I grab her arm and sit her back down..

"what did they do to him?" I insist..

"ask the doctors, they probably know by now"

Joanna gets up and leaves.. she knows something I don't, I really wanna know what has happened to my Peeta.. that's right, he's mine. What happened to that soft spoken, soothing boy with the bread? I need answers or I'll pop! I get up throw my tray away and find Haymitch.. I find him in the waiting room of the hospital..

"What are you doing here?"

"The doctors think they know what's wrong with Peeta"

"well what is it?"

"I'm not sure, that's why I'm waiting"

I sit next to Haymitch and wait.. we wait a long hour and the doctor finally comes to us..

"we've done lots of tests and the results have finally come in"

"well what are they?"

"besides all the injuries Peeta has gotten, the biggest one is his memory. The capitol has done a lot of damage"

"so he has brain damage? How bad?"

"really bad, it's not really brain damage, its-…"

The doctor trails off and doesn't finish..

"it's what?" I persist..

The doctor sighs sadly which mean it must be very serious..

"Peeta has been mentally high jacked"

That hits me like a bullet, sinking in my body slowly draining life out of me.. Peeta has been high jacked, what's that mean? Is he going to be okay? What's gonna happen to him?

"what do you mean exactly? High jacked?" Haymtich asks..

"well, using the tracker jacker venom they turn good memories into horrifying memories and with brainwashing words they can turn someone against a person. And in this case, they've basically turned Peeta against Katniss. Every time someone says something like your name, it will trigger a bad memory which cause Peeta to go insane."

"so your saying that speaking of Katniss will trigger bad memories which will cause Peeta to go nuts?"

"that is correct"

I fall to the ground.. I've lost circulation to my legs and I feel completely numb.. so I could be in the same room as him and if I say who I am, he'll go crazy? No! not Peeta, please not him! I need him! Why did they do that to him? He didn't deserve any of it.. this is all my fault.. I begin to weep and weep.. Haymitch helps me onto a chair and I continue to cry.. the doctor leaves probably to check on other people.. Prim comes and sits beside me..

"I heard about Peeta's condition, I'm real sorry Katniss"

All I can do is look at my growing up little sister.. so mature at such a young age, 13 is still young..

"if it makes you feel better, I was about to check on him, would you like to come?"

To come and watch hopelessly Peeta struggle with horrifying thoughts much less dreams about his torture in the capitol, I don't think so. I won't be able to stand it. I nod my head 'No'

"well I'll come and give you an update later then"

Prim gets up and walks in the direction of Peeta's room.. I turn to Haymitch..

"J-Joanna knew this would happen didn't she?"

"I'm afraid so, sweetheart. She said that her and Peeta shared the same cell and hopelessly watched each other being tortured. She also said that it was slowly killing her hearing Peeta yell and scream for his life scraped down to a chair or a whipping post"

Haymitch would go on but I finally had to stop him, I was flooding with tears.. I got up and walked back to my room.. when I got there I find Joanna lying down on my bed looking at the parachute tin container..

"what are you doing here?"

"oh hey, why did you keep this old thing?"

I walk over and snatch it from her, I tuck it in a dresser drawer..

"hey don't be so cold, I'm only here to be your f-friend"

"says the girl who stabbed me in the arm and almost killed me. why do you wanna be my friend? So you can kill me later?"

"no of course not, look I'm sorry I did that but it was for your own good"

"yeah, some good"

"come on brainless, would you rather be Peeta right now? Trying figure out who he is? Or how or why he hates you?"

"Yes!" I blurt out..

"Yes! I would like to be him right now! I wish it was me who was high jacked! Peeta was innocent and they tortured him and turned him against me! I so wish it was me!"

"let me tell you something Peeta told me when were at the capitol"

I calm down and listen, these could have been the last words of the real Peeta I knew and didn't exactly love..

"alright, go on"

"he told me he was glad that he was captured instead of you. he said that if you were captured and not him, he would lose his mind and go completely crazy. Katniss I know you think he hates you but really deep down inside he still loves you. deep down inside is the real Peeta, you just have to help him come out of this brainwashing, high jacking, mindset and he's all yours" "easy right?"

I am silent.. is it really that easy? I don't think so.. but Joanna does have a point, the real Peeta is still there all I have to do is prove that to him.. I sit on the bed next to Joanna..

"I'm sorry"

She smiles..

"Glad you finally get the message"

I smile back at her, I know what I have to do now but there's something I want to know..

"J-Joanna, could you really hear him screaming?"

She sighs..

"Yes, it was every hour like the jabber jays, it was slowly killing me, watching hopelessly him being tortured and there was nothing I could do to stop the torturers"

If I was there watching it all happen I would probably go nuts, so that is what was happening behind the TV interviews.. oh Peeta, why did it have to be you? why didn't Joanna cut your tracker out? Me and Joanna laid there on my bed talking, actually laughing for the first time in years.. she would tell me stories of when she was a little girl and how funny her father used to be.. reminds me of my father, how we used to be like that to..

when it was late, she finally left and I got some rest but battling nightmares alone isn't easy I miss my comforter, Gale would come in and try to help but it wasn't the same.. I needed Peeta.. Gale left just as the sun rose, I could tell he was trying to be quiet but it didn't work, I was already awake.. he gave me a kiss and left.. after a few hours when it was around 9, 9:30ish in the morning, I got up changed, went down to breakfast and then walked to the hospital.. once I got there I walked to the end of the hall where my sister was walking out of Peeta's room.. she had a sad look on her face as she continued to walk almost pass me with a rag and a bowl of water..

"Prim, what's wrong?"

She looks up and sees me..

"they had to sedate Peeta again, it's the 7th time this week. It doesn't look like he's getting any better"

I feel as life is draining out of me so fast I can't control it, my emotions are taking over and I start to fill up with tears.. why is this happening?

"Can I see him?"

"if you want to, he's still asleep though"

"thank you, my little duck"

She smiles and then walks away.. I walk up to the window and see the inside of Peeta's room, all white with no color at all and Peeta asleep.. I slowly open the door and walk inside.. closing the door behind me I look for a spar chair to sit on.. I grab one by the window and set it next to Peeta's bed.. as I sit down I notice his bruised up hand laying lifelessly on the blanket.. I grab and notice that it is cold and not like warm as it used to be.. I hold it tight, never letting go… I sit there for hours holding his hand in mine watching him sleep, touching his face.. all the scars make me feel so uncomfortable every time I spot one..

I feel a hand shaking me and I realize I must've fallen asleep.. it was Haymitch..

"Go get some rest and something to eat, I'll watch him for a while"

"No, I need to stay with him"

"it's been 3 days Katniss, you've haven't been eating or sleeping much. Come on, Peeta will be fine"

I am kind of hungry and tired.. maybe a couple of hours of sleep maybe good.. I look at Peeta, still asleep and I give his hand a little squeeze then I get up and start to walk out..

"only for a little while" I say..

I walk out and look through the window, Haymitch sits in my seat and watches Peeta.. I walk to my room and collapse onto my bed and sleep.. I am shaken again, but this time it was a bit more softer.. I wake up and see Gale..

"hey Katnip, it's almost 7pm. You should get something to eat before they close the eating hall"

"7pm?"

I look at the clock and it's 6:50pm.. I left the hospital around noon, I've slept most of the day, I need to get back to the hospital.. I get up and get cleaned up.. Gale walks with me to the eating hall and we eat together..

"haven't seen you around, what have you been doing? You haven't been in your room this whole time right?"

"of course not, I've been spending time with Peeta"

"oh, is he doing any better?"

"Sadly no"

Gale takes my tray and dumps it in the trash can then puts it on the shelf..

"wanna hang out with me? I get the rest of the evening off"

"no thanks, I need to be with Peeta"

That must've rubbed Gale the wrong way cause the next thing that came out of his mouth was questionable..

"I thought you were done with him, why are you even spending time with him when you know he might not even come back to you"

"I am not done with him, I was never done with him. And because I hope that maybe someday he will come back to me"

"you said you were, you said you never loved him and that you loved me.. what happened? Why are you all of a sudden wanting him? You said you were just using him like a tool to survive, what happened?"

"what happened Gale, was when Peeta hit that force field and nearly died on my lap did I realize I needed him, he's more than you'll ever be"

"how is that? He can't do anything! I could number the things he can't do, why would you wanna be with a guy like him who can't even kill an animal much less a person"

"cause only he knows what its like to be in that stupid arena, and the fact that he can't kill anyone or anything is because he cares about them, something you'll never be able to do. he cares so much that he can't go through with it. I need a person like that, people like Peeta are rare, I've already lost him once, I'm not going to lose him again"

"I care, I care very deeply"

"not as deep as Peeta did, he loved me even when I lied to him and used him. I only wish now that I realized it sooner cause now look at what's happened to him, the doctors say he's mentally sick. Sick of everything, and I'm sick of it too"

"so are we through then?"

"if that's what you want"

"I can't believe you Katnip. Fine, go be with him. You are married to him anyway, just don't ever speak to me again"

Gale walks away..

"No problem!" I yell..

He keeps on walking.. I turn the other way and head for the hospital..

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**wow! what a big outburst! what did you think? should I continue? Review and tell me! :-)**


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